Darkness comes and I'm dying again!

 Darkness comes and I'm dying again!

 I wish just like the soul, into which I fell in love, I died and didn't remember anything. I always loved the same, but I wouldn't be so burdened mind all the time. You will die and born again without memories of what it was. But I will not die, I am condemned always to meet you and know that you will not have the slightest idea who I am. I meet you and know that I bring you the bad times. Perhaps one day I break free and find the courage to at least one life, say how much you mean to me. If not, let me die.

Dean put down his father's diary and barely the boards touched table, he felt peculiar feeling a shiver air. He always knew that Castiel appeared, thus always not. It took a while before I got used to Castiel, who man also just managed to get used to it, that has plumed friends from Heaven, who will come anytime and anywhere? In addition to that, add the fact that Castiel had no idea about things like personal space, or needs of mortals. I already haven't counted the situations when Castiel in front of me just appeared at the most inconvenient moments at a minimum distance. I tried to explain him it several times, but so far unsuccessfully.
Fortunately, now Castiel stood a few feet away and blue eyes wandered around the room, perhaps as if he didn't see Dean. This time I think that I kept right distance from him, such as required from me, but I wasn't sure. For all other I have managed, but when it came to Dean, everything was confusing.
“Where have you been?” Dean asked.
“Jerusalem,” Castiel answered and took a few steps to Dean.
“Oh! How was it?”
“Arid,” Castiel said his typical monotone voice and put some kind of a vase on the table. Dean frowned not only over Castiel's curt reply, but i wondered what had brought.
“What is that?”
“It's oil. It's very special… and very rare,” Castiel muttered and sat down on a chair.
“What are we gonna do, trap Raphael with a nice vinaigrette?” Dean doesn't withheld one of his cutting remark.
“No, we are not going to cook with it,” said Castiel, who apparently didn't notice that it should be a witticism.
“So this ritual of yours, when does it have to go down?”
“Sunrise. We have to perform the ritual at sunrise.”
“Tell me something, you keep saying we're gonna trap this guy, but isn't that like trapping a hurricane with a butterfly net?” Dean said another sarcastic comment.
“No. It's harder,” Castiel replied and Dean for a moment he wondered where his angel learned so dry answers. Finally Dean came to the conclusion that Cas doesn't realize the essence of his responses and he just tells the truth. It was disarming. They had always so little chance to succeed and Cas decided to fight at their side?!
“Do we have any chance of surviving this?”
“You do,” Dean leaned back and tilted his head.
“So odds are, you're a dead man tomorrow?” Dean deduced from Castiel's response.
“Yeah.”
He didn't want to hear this answer from Castiel. The winged bastard never think to himself, actually, how many times he saved me. He feel free to die and what? He doesn't care about it. Quite so a brilliant plan: mainly protect Dean Winchester! He crossed the room while kept an eye on Castiel. “Well, last night on earth, what are your plans?” he asked, while pronouncing the words very slowly, emphasizing each syllable.
Castiel paused for a moment before answering, as though hesitating. “I thought I'd just sit here quietly,” he finally said. Dean furrowed his forehead in an expression that said: Are you kidding me! He shook his head, and on his face appeared to him that provocative expression.
 I swallowed, this his look, I hated from the heart. It was the look of the hunter who is approaching to his prey... before it, before it what? And yet I wanted often seen the look, even if I had to be eaten. These ideas weren't good for anyone. I knew that I should be ashamed. I knew that if I had confided her before a few centuries ago with it, surely she would be condemned me. No, even if I told Dean now, he would, as he says ... oh yes, to kick my angelic ass.
“Dude, come on, anything? Booze, women?” Dean continued on. Castiel startled yanked himself and he evasively looked around the room as if he was looking for something where he could hide. However, he found nothing. “You have been with a woman before? Or an angel at least?!” This was too much. I prefer to disappear somewhere far away and yet I knew that this is probably my only chance to tell Dean. I didn't tell him, but even I didn't disappear. I was afraid that I will lose him by that. Indecisively I fidgeted and I scratched on my neck.
 This is incredible! So Cas is really an angel with everything even with the innocence. Righteous, mighty, pious and pure innocence. In the belly, I felt that I flew open thousands of butterflies, and the corners of my mouth began to twitch uncontrollably in a fit of laughter. It wasn't fair to Cas. But I couldn't help myself. Castiel was an angel, but the fallen Angels and I decided to show him why it is good that there is something between Heaven and Hell. I wanted to show him everything for what he fights. With this I didn't count, but in the end why not..
Dean crouched to Castiel and emphatically raised his eyebrows to show his surprise. “You mean to tell me you haven't been up there doing a little cloud-seeding?” Dean still annoy him, but he already knew the response from Castiel's nervousness, or at least the he thought that he knew.
“Look, I have never had occasion, okay?” muttered Castiel, but it was only a mere half-truth. What I said was true. However, it didn't mean, that I have never loved anyone. It meant only that I had no opportunity. Throughout my existence, I love only one soul. But I loved it so much that It ripped me into small pieces and it threatened me that I will lose my wings. The soul was beautiful and infinitely complex. However, in all that time I received from her/him only three passionate kisses. It happened a few centuries ago, the soul was sentenced to guard of this world and I am committed to protect her/him. The soul is born every time while the danger and hard times are coming, but never could remember past lives. The soul is standing next to me. Why must to ask just HE?! I hardly can tell him the whole truth, I hardly can say that a few years ago he was a woman. I can hardly say he was an exorcist who commit to celibacy that before we've fought and died together, and that, as now, I would do everything for her/him.
Dean's mouth twisted into a horseshoe in an ironic grin and he walked over to the coat. He began to dress.
“All right. Lemme tell you something. There are two things that I know for certain, one: Bert and Ernie are gay. Two: you are *not* gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch,” Dean said confidently and closed his father's diary. “Let's go.” Dean ordered and Castiel seriously began to fear what Dean wanted to do, but Cas wouldn't waste a single moment, which could spend with Dean.